Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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