My underwear smells like fireworks.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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