You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
