I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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