I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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