How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
