I can text with my tongue
i just google imaged poop.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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