Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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