Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
