I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
