So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
