I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
