i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
