So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
