Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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