i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
