First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
