His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
