I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
