I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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