She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
