I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
