i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
