I feel like abortions should bother me more
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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