my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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