U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
