Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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