They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
