I didn't shave. On purpose
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
