Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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