Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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