I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
