pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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