Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
