She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
