Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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