This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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