i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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