I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
