Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
