I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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