He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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