yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
