to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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