I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
