Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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