you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
