4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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