I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
