Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
