My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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