maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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