Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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