considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
